Every Launder-Who down in Laundryville liked service a lot…
But the Reviewer, who lived just north of Laundryville, did NOT!
The Reviewer hated the laundries – in every season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his mat wasn’t laid down just right,
It could be, perhaps, that his uniforms were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his pants were two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, his pants or the booze,
He sat there on Service Delivery Eve, hating the Laundry-Whos
For he knew every Laundry-Who down in Laundryville beneath
Was busy now, preparing the uniforms – inspecting each piece.
“And they’re individually packing the Gowns!”, he snarled with a Sneer
“Tomorrow is Service Day – it’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his reviewer fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop Service from coming!”
For in the morning, he knew, they would start on their way,
Just the same way each delivery day.
“Why, for Three and One-Half Years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I MUST stop this Service from coming! But HOW?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE REVIEWER GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” He laughed a good amount.
“I’ll create a Yelp username and new Google account”
All I need is an iMac…” the Reviewer looked around
But, since computers are scarce there was none to be found.
Did that stop the Reviewer, No! The Reviewer simply said
If I can’t find a computer, I’ll grab my iPhone instead.
And he posted a nasty review from his bed – even launching a new Reddit thread.
He reviewed all their services! The napkins! The tablecloths!
The scrubs! And the coveralls! The logo mats! The washcloths!
He slandered their drivers and all of their sales team!
The review was so nasty and horribly mean!
“I didn’t sign that 5 year contract!” he was grinchishly humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Service is coming!”
“They’re just opening their doors! I know just what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the business owners down in Laundryville will all cry BooHoo!”
“That’s a noise,” grinned the Reviewer, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he refreshed, expecting to see more reviews like his around.
And he did hear the business owners all over the town.
But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
Every driver down in Laundryville, the tall and the small,
Was delivering! The reviews didn’t stop them at all!
He HADN’T stopped Service from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Reviewer thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe Quality Service,” he thought, “isn’t just something they say.”
“Maybe Service is something they do every day!”
And that minute his pants didn’t feel quite so tight,
And he logged back in through the bright morning light,
And he took down his posts and nasty tweets too –
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Reviewer… Left a five-star review!